"No... It's not true... That's im-Poe-ssible!!!!"

So the fan theory du jour about Poe is that he is a sleeper agent of The First Order after some off-screen mind-melding by Kylo Ren.

From a narrative standpoint, the theory admittedly has some superficial appeal. It explains how Poe got off of Jakku (without bothering to find BB-8), which is never satisfactorily explained in the film. It also incorporates the well-established plot device of Kylo Ren's Force abilities.

But, seriously? The only thing that could make that prediction more heartbreaking is if it turns out that Poe is both secretly a villain and gay. That's right, yet another gay male villain who, if that's true, would likely get smoked by the protagonists.

I don't think I could take a bait and switch like that.

Fortunately, as several commentators and reddit responses have observed, the official TFA novelization describes how Poe survives the TIE fighter crash and gets back to the Resistance--all without assistance or brainwashing from The First Order. I hadn't planned on reading the novelization, but I feel like I need to read that sequence for myself and lay this theory to rest.